Pleasure and pain – no empty words – Istanbul Sun Shine

On 5 February 2013 by Carolien Geurtsen

English Nederlands

It is the translation of the Dutch title of my blog and this morning it became once more perfectly clear why I choose it.
Pleasure and pain, for me the two together define the essence of life as I see it, at least of my life and maybe so in general.

At 6 AM I read an email from best friend U who’s husband is fighting pancreas cancer.
In German, her mother tongue, so I right away know she must be devastated, as her English is as fluent as mine.
It reminds me of how I decided all those years ago that I wanted to give birth in my home country, no matter how much at home I felt in Turkey, because I was sure that I would not be able to communicate in anything else than my mother tongue, if at all, when in this painful rollercoacster called giving birth.

It was an extremely short message, full with desperation and fear. ‘ This Thursday he will be operated once more and like last time it is extremely risky. ‘ They found another tumor and I am soo scared. I do not dare to tell it to our [6 year old] son as I am afraid I will be so much in tears that it scares him too much’. Ending with: Ich drucke dich fest…

When I write this, again my own tears are there in a heartbeat and for the first time in weeks I want to be somewhere else.
I respond to her with a quick e-mail and the offer to Skype whenever she wants.

Then I hear sounds from the kitchen and all those lovely smells of both coffee and toasted bread make me want to jump out of bed.
I realize the sun is shining and how incredibly lucky I am and I decide to get up as quickly as possible to have a chance to see her before she goes to work.
The she being the wife of a friend and we only just met 3 days ago.
The friend I mainly know from Facebook, although we were more or less in the same peer group when we were young. Both his brother and the brother from my lover in those days connected us enough to start asking online questions like: ‘Are you who I think you are?’
Him living in Istanbul and our mutual interest in turkey was enough to keep contact and to make a dinner appointment.
And that was 4 days ago.
IRL [In Real Life Рas still supposedly opposit to Online life] we have animated talks both with him and his wife and we love the chances and possibilities  life is offering us, in spite of all the challenges coming with it.
No pleasure without pain they say, and how much I wished it wasn’t so, but yes it seems the reallity of life, at least as I know it to be.
So much more reason to enjoy the Pleasure part tremendously.
So off into this beautiful sunshine now.

Ich drucke euch fest, meine Freunde

lovely breakfast

Ich drucke euch fest, meine Freunden
and yes Thursday I will pray like I have nothing else to do.
This song makes the tears break through like the sun now as well is doing

and no – its not a Top 2000 one

Leuk om te horen wat jij er van vind. Alvast bedankt!

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